are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
