I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
