I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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