Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
