OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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