Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
