i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
