Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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