I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
