On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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