You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
