She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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