Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
