Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
