i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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