no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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