if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
did i walk over a car last night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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