I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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