Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your shirt... Was in my pants
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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