I wish my penis had an off switch
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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