We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
