There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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