im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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