sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
