remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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