At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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