Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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