She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
