I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
