i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
