I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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