I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
