Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
