So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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