it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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