a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
