Duck Duck Cougar?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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