I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
