Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
