3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We don't watch enough power rangers
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
