I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
