ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
