i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
