you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize