Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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