matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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