If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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