I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
