i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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