If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
