I look better un-naked...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
