david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
