I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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