you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
