Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
