I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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