i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just found a bag of teeth...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
