I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
