I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
