I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
