where am i from again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
