Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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