i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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