What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
