the condom got lost in my hair
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
