Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
