I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
