She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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