Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So squirting runs in the family.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
