girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
