Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
