Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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